


Casually Terrifying

by CongressIsAliens



Series: Perryshmirtz Week 2020 [5]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Fluff, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), Kinda?, M/M, Meet the Family, Shovel Talk, again kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27122861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CongressIsAliens/pseuds/CongressIsAliens
Summary: It's Thanksgiving with the Flynn-Fletchers.Lawrence and Lyla have a few things to say to Heinz.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus, Lawrence Fletcher & Lyla Lolliberry, Lawrence Fletcher & Perry the Platypus, Lyla Lolliberry & Perry the Platypus
Series: Perryshmirtz Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1974490
Comments: 4
Kudos: 104
Collections: Perryshmirtz Week 2020





	Casually Terrifying

**Author's Note:**

> Perryshmirtz Week Day 5: ~~Parents~~ /Family
> 
> canon did lyla dirty, so i'm giving her more screentime this week.

Heinz walks up to the front door of an unassuming yellow house on Maple Drive, holding a doonkleberry pie in his hands. He shifts the pie to his left hand to knock.

Almost immediately, the door opens to reveal a dark-haired woman with a broad smile. She looks vaguely familiar… Perry mentioned having a sister, this must be her.

“Oi, Perry, your boyfriend’s here,” she calls over her shoulder, her voice somewhat distorted with a thick Canadian accent. 

“Sorry about that,” she says, turning back to Heinz. “You must be the famous Dr. Doofenshmirtz, eh?”

Heinz nods. “And you’re…”

“His sister, Lyla. Lyla Lolliberry.” Wait a moment. This _is_ the same Agent Lyla from the Albert the Moose incident! “I’d offer to shake,” she says, “but you’ve got a pie.”

Heinz shrugs and shifts the pie to his left hand again, holding out his right.

“Or not, eh? Anyway, I’m looking forward to getting to _actually_ know you. Perry’s told me all about you,” she laughs as she shakes his hand.

“He has?” Heinz asks.

“Oh, he’s head over heels for you. Always has that silly little smile when he’s talking about you.” She leans in conspiratorially. “Don’t tell him I said this, but I think you’re really the one.”

Heinz smiles, a little uncertainly. “Really?”

“Yeah, he’s in love with you, even if he doesn’t want to say it yet. I was the one that pushed him to ask you out, you know. I know these things.”

Lyla grins at the somewhat shocked look on Heinz’s face. “Well, come in, come in. Don’t wanna keep ya out there in the cold. Here, I’ll take the pie,” Lyla says, taking the pie out of Heinz’s hands. He steps inside, shutting the door behind him.

As Heinz waits in the entryway, Perry slides down the banister, propelling himself off at the last moment to do a flip and land perfectly.

“Feckin’ showoff,” Lyla says as she walks into the kitchen. “Quit givin’ the kids ideas, eh?”

 _They know better,_ Perry signs with a laugh. _And you’re one to talk, always cussing in front of them._ He turns to Heinz. _Hi there_.

“Hi,” Heinz says, then leans down to kiss Perry.

It really gets better every time, to feel Perry smile under their kisses. To see the way he looks away, probably blushing (his skin is dark enough to make it hard to tell) once Heinz pulls away. To brush away the soft wisp of teal hair that always falls over his forehead. 

More than once, he finds himself wondering how exactly he managed to end up dating Perry. Then Perry looks up at him with the soft smile that he's come to realize is just for him, and he remembers that Perry loves him too. 

How wonderful it is, to love and be loved in return. 

Somebody knocks on the door, and Perry moves past him to open it.

“Hey there, Mr. Fletcher and Dr. Doofenshmirtz,” Jeremy Johnson says.

 _Would you call for Candace?_ Perry signs to Heinz, and he nods.

Before he can say anything, though, Candace slides down the banister and does a spin off the end.

“Thanks for teaching me how to do that, uncle Perry,” she says, taking Jeremy’s hand (and ignoring his awestruck expression) as she walks into the living room.

“They know better, huh?” Heinz says, and Perry elbows him with an exasperated smile.

* * *

After dinner, while Heinz and Lyla are washing the dishes, Linda and Lawrence are putting away the leftovers, and Perry is trying to keep the kids from making one of their giant inventions, Lyla starts to talk.

At first, she just asks about normal things, like how his "inventions" are working. Then she says something a bit cryptic.

"So, she says, setting the dish rag down and turning to face him. "We want to talk to you."

"Who's we?"

"Lawrence and I. About Perry." Catching a glimpse of Heinz's wide-eyed expression, she laughs. "Don't worry, it's nothing serious. I think. Here, follow me."

She leads him down the hall to the study, where Lawrence is likely already waiting. On one of the walls is a photo of a younger Perry, Lawrence, and...oh, what's the green-haired one's name? Ferb, that's it. They're in some sort of park. Ferb is sitting on Perry's shoulders, which is absolutely adorable. 

“Have a seat,” Lawrence says once they're all in the study, gesturing to the small sofa. Heinz sits down, while Lyla remains standing. A mildly uncomfortable silence stretches on.

“So,” Lyla says to break the silence. “We’re not going to go through the entire ‘what do you want with our brother’ thing, because we already know what you want with him. However, we _are_ going to give you a bit of a talk.”

Oh boy. Heinz hasn’t been through one of _these_ in a long time.

“To be honest, chap,” Lawrence says, “I’ve really never seen Perry like this before. He’s never been so, ah, what’s the word?”

“Infatuated? In love? Smitten?” Lyla supplies.

“Yes, smitten, that’s the one.”

Heinz can feel himself blushing a bit at that remark. He knows Perry loves him, but he had no idea the other’s feelings were that obvious to his family. Perry tends to be a stoic brick wall. Even though he's much more casual away from OWCA's watchful eye, he still doesn't open up an awful lot. 

So to have him wearing his feelings on his sleeve that much, so that it's obvious to his family...well, it's definitely a compliment. 

“And because of that,” Lyla says, her voice taking on a serious tone, “we wanted to make sure you don’t hurt him. At all, you hear?”

Heinz nods. He’d never even dream of it.

“I know, I know,” Lyla continues, “you’re his nemesis. It’s what you guys _do,_ you fight each other.”

Heinz looks over at Lawrence. Does he know...

“I know he’s a secret agent, and so does Linda,” Lawrence explains. “I encouraged him to do it, actually. He’s not in danger of reassignment. The kids can't know, for safely reasons mostly, but we do.”

Well, that’s good. Heinz knows how much it hurt him to leave his family the first time, what with the whole Destructicon incident. He wouldn’t want to be the one pulling Perry away from his family, _ever_.

“You see,” Lyla continues, “Perry isn’t the only one who’s protective of his family. If you hurt him, we _will_ come after you. I have access to a whole division of highly trained agents who would be down in the States in an _instant_.” She makes an ‘I’m watching you’ gesture, narrowing her eyes.

Heinz gulps. And he thought _Perry_ was intimidating.

"Actually," she hums, "make that two divisions. Perry is kind of cold towards everyone down here, since that's kind of who he _is,_ but agents stick up for each other."

He doesn't doubt that. Last summer, when he had no idea Perry even had a _family_ , he watched as Perry fell off a train to save someone (Heinz had _thought_ ) he just met. 

“Here’s the thing,” Lawrence says, softer. “I don’t know how much Perry has talked about his past with you, and I’m not at liberty to tell his story. But what I do know is that he’s been hurt before, and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep him from being hurt by someone he loves, again.”

Heinz nods. Perry hasn’t told him a _whole_ lot about his backstory, but what he does know is that Perry...didn’t exactly have a good adolescence. And that’s putting it lightly.

They’re really remarkably similar, in that way. In the beginning, he had wondered why Perry had been the only one to ever empathize with his backstories. But it's much clearer now. He _understands_ having a painful backstory. 

“I made a promise, years ago when we were ‘just nemeses’,” Heinz says, “that I’d never hurt him with anything but cartoonish physical violence. And I plan to keep that promise.” He blushes and looks down at his hands. “Forever, I hope.”

Lawrence smiles. “That’s good. You two are wonderful for each other.”

“If a bit unconventional,” Lyla says. “Can’t say I’ve ever heard of an evil scientist dating his nemesis before, eh?”

Heinz shrugs, suddenly feeling as if he’s been placed under a microscope, or perhaps a very bright light. “It’s working out for us, I guess,” he says.

From what he's heard in the LOVEMUFFIN circle, it really isn't a _normal_ thing to date one's nemesis. But who could resist Perry? He's _extraordinary._ Really, how was he _not_ supposed to fall in love?

“That’s good,” Lyla says. “Make sure it stays that way, eh?”

“Otherwise, well, she has a lot of agents on her side, and I happen to have quite the collection of medieval weapons.” Lawrence smiles, and while it’s probably supposed to be vaguely comforting, it’s completely terrifying.

He’s not lying. There’s a (probably dull, now that he thinks about it, but _still_ ) sword mounted to the wall _right behind him_.

“So don’t hurt him, alright, chap?” Heinz nods, because what else can he do?

“Oh, and don’t tell Perry about this, eh?” Lyla says. “I’m sure he’s already figured out what we’re doing, he’s a smart cookie, but there’s no reason to bring it up.”

Heinz nods. Externally, he’s smiling and nodding, but internally he’s freaking out. He knew Perry’s sister was an OWCA agent, but jeez, she’s frightening.

And for a history buff slash owner of an antique store, Lawrence is _also_ completely terrifying.

“They’re all likely wondering where we are by now,” Lawrence says. “Shall we get back to the rest of the family?”

Heinz nods, and they leave the office. Lyla narrows her eyes at him again, but giggles when his eyes go wide. 

Perry smiles when Heinz sits down in the living room. Phineas and Ferb seem to have calmed down, playing some sort of fighting game with Jeremy and Candace. _It’s nice to see you getting along with my family,_ Perry signs, leaning into Heinz’s embrace.

Heinz looks over at Lawrence and Lyla, who merely smile innocently. 

The entirety of this family is casually terrifying, but he has a feeling Perry knows that already.

Well, they're all cut from the same cloth, right? It makes sense. 

Heinz laughs lightly, trying to disguise a nervous tremor in his voice. “Yes, yes it is.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this one is so late, lol.
> 
> Comments and kudos always appreciated!


End file.
